


Shadow of the Lyrium Heart

by ShadowArtemis4456



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, OC is Inquisitor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Templar Specialization
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-10 01:54:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15939359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowArtemis4456/pseuds/ShadowArtemis4456
Summary: Mystia is, or rather was, a modern girl. Now she is a MGiT, the Herald of Andraste and will soon enough be the Inquisitor. But first things first, she needs to choose between three specializations and only one can fulfill her heart’s desire as she has always desired to be a Templar. She knows the risks. She knows that one day the need for Lyrium will be all she can think about as it steals her memories and life away, but despite the warnings of her ever loyal Commander, she does it anyway.Commander Cullen Rutherford knows what it means to be a Templar, and what it means to take Lyrium. So when he discovers that Mystia decides to take on the mantle of being a Templar, all he can do is watch the woman he is coming to love as she disregards his warnings, or at least he thinks that until he remembers that out of all her advisorsheis the one she listens to the most. Maybe he can still save her from herself and convince her to quit taking it one day. Maybe, if he survives his own withdrawals, he can one day aid her through hers.





	1. Prologue

She knew she probably shouldn’t be standing outside in a teeshirt, pants and boots, but for her being out here was better then being trapped inside her cabin where yet another of her strange and hellish nightmares had come roaring in like a t-rex on an extremely pissed off rampage. Lifting her foot up to the wall behind her, she laid it flat with knee bent at the same time her arms crossed over her chest; her gaze was turned skyward where the moons of this world and the billions of stars shone or twinkled high above her. Hoping she wouldn’t be interrupted, she decided to attempt to count the stars for what seemed to be the umpteenth time. Just as she managed to get to twenty, the sound of the hard packed snow crunching under someone’s boots distracted her and she was forced to close her eyes as she inhaled a biting breath of cold air to help her keep her temper. Opening her eyes she lowered her head and turned it towards the general direction of the person to see none other then the Commander of the Inquisition’s military come walking up. She was, for the most part, thankful that she was hidden by the shadows which were slowly clawing their way towards the lake, though she knew they would never reach them; but she wasn’t interested in the shadows, no, the Commander had her fullen and undivided attention at that particular moment in time. She was pretty sure she knew why he was walking around, (dressed how he always was with the mixture of armor, cloth and leather) yet she knew better then to make a noise or move too much or to fast. Leaning down very slowly so it wouldn’t catch his attention she swiftly picked up a rock and prepared to flick it across the way. She was sure he had been told that she was out wandering around, but she wasn’t in the mood to really deal with him. Being patient, she watched him scan around for any signs of her and had to bit the inside of her cheek to keep from making any noise. The first time she had seen his eyes, she believed them to somehow be made of either pure gold or honey, but now she saw them as like a predatory animal’s eyes as he hunted for her but his eyes were not strong enough to pierce through the deepening shadows that hid her so well. She smirked at a singluar thought and made ready to fling the rock, _If he is the hunter and I the hunted, well I’ll just have to turn that around on him won’t I? I am not prey and I never will be._ Though to say a slight shiver didn’t run down her spine at the thought of them playing this “cat and mouse” game as foreplay before he fucked her senseless would be a flat out lie. But as enticing as that thought was, she would not allow it any further access to her mind (for the moment) and so mentally shook herself and waited until his gaze was turned elsewhere before flinging the rock somewhere else. The noise captured his attention and the moment he went to investigate she made her move and slipped away, being careful to not make too much noise and being extremely mindful of her steps like a wolf would. Slipping around a corner, she peeked back at where he had been only to discover that he was gone. _Shit!_ Just as she made to move, a hand clamped around her mouth as she tried to let out a yelp and another wrapped around her stomach to pull her close to whoever was attacking her from behind. Before her mind could comprehend what was going on, she thrust her head backwards and heard a grunt as the person’s hands released their grip. Whipping around while preparing herself for round two, she saw who had come up from behind and relaxed before going to his side. “Shit! Commander! I am so sorry! Are you alright? I didn’t hurt you too badly did I?” She inquired as he rubbed at his jaw. 

 “I’ll be fine,” he replied with amusement in his eyes. “Besides I have had worse.” 

“Still,” at the concern in her eyes, his own softened. 

“I promise, I will be fine. I just wasn’t expecting you to do that,” He told her in a softer tone as he felt a small smile cross his face. In the time he had known this woman, he had come to know three very important things about her: the first was that she was very caring and kind towards everyone who showed her the same respect, the second was that despite her outward appearance of looking harmless she was very much dangerous, and the last was that she really had been paying attention to the lessons he had been personally teaching her though he couldn’t take credit for the fact that she had just slammed the back of her head into his jaw. That one was all her, but now he knew to be careful when grabbing her from behind. He watched as she made to say something but seemingly decided against it as if afraid that whatever she would say would get her in trouble. “What are you doing out here anyway?” 

“I would ask the same of you but you have your reasons and its not my place to pry. I was out here to hopefully hide from another nightmare.” She told him as she raised a hand to rub at her eye with the heel of it.  

He could see that she hadn’t been sleeping well, and frowned, “Have you tried a sleeping draught?” 

“Twice. Apparently my nightmares are extremely persistent,” To only now see and know that she was plagued by nightmares upset him for some unspoken reason. The true reason that this beautiful and kind and loving soul, (and the reason he had several of his soldiers telling him they had often spotted her, which is what had lead him to finder her himself) was wandering around after a certain time of night was because she was being haunted mercilessly by nightmares. Deciding to try something, he offered to walk around with her for a while and she accepted it. Eventually they came to a stop and were looking at the thing in the sky called the Breach when she spoke again. “Here soon that will be closed,” she whispered softly as he nodded. 

“What will you do after?” He asked as she frowned. 

“Depends. I could probably do one of several things: I could stay with the Inquisition and help you all find whoever did this, or try to find some other way to live my life, or even run around closing whatever rifts remain in this world until either the mark takes it toll on my body or until the last rift is sealed for good. One things for sure, so long as that big fucker up there,” she nodded towards the Breach, “remains, I’m staying here and helping all of you even if it means running around like a damn chicken with it head cut off and playing “dress up” and being nice to nobles.”

The Commander watched her scowl at those last words and knew that she was like him in that regard. She had already proven that her patience could be worn thin, he had seen it when she had been confronted by the man who called himself Chancellor Roderick. Oh she had been polite, to an extent, but it had been that type of polite that spoke volumes on how much she wasn’t going to deal with him or his bullshit. When Roderick had really started in on her, she had walked towards him, with a look of “I don’t give a flying rat’s ass” and had snapped at him with words that had almost caused the older man to shit himself before quickly running away with his tail between his legs all while she watched him scurry away. The Commander had witnessed it all with a great amount of amusement as well as amazement at how well she had handled the man but the words she had spoke haunted him to this day. _“Run along little doggy, and remember who you face. I am a wolf. My bite is worse then my bark.”_

“Commander?” He snapped out of whatever stupor he had been in and looked at her. Concern was written there and he felt his heart trying to leap out of his ribcage. Her concern was for him, for his well being, and that drove him to some semblance of madness if it could even be called that with the way his heart pounded. 

“I apologize, I was lost in thought,” he told her  before offering to walk her back to the door of her cabin. As they walked the silence between them was welcomed. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, it was more like that calm type of silence that could be experiance at the time of night when day was soon to approach and everything was stilling for its arrival. Once they reached her door, the Commander bid her a good night and she watched him walk away. It was only once he was out of sight did she finally turn and enter the cabin, where she promptly went to her bed after locking the door and proceeded to pass out. 

As she passed out, the Commander had barely made it to the tent that served as both the command tent with a side area that served as his room before he let out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. To him, the woman, (the Herald is what she was known as throughout the area) was gorgeous. Her physical beauty had been known to turn heads, but it was the way she was, the kindness and gentleness that she showed to anyone who deserved it, that was attracting him to her like a moth to a flame. Knowing he would not get to sleep if he didn’t do something about the issue he felt rising, he removed his armor and placed it upon its stand all while thinking about everything he wanted to do to her. But the moment he lay down his body gave way to sleep and the thing he had been planning on doing slipped away into the night.


	2. One

The next week found the Commander waiting eagerly for the Herald’s return and not in a good way. Yes, he was greatly worried about the fact that soon they would have who could say how many powerful magic wielding, with several likely to be possessed, mages arriving from the place named Redcliffe, but what concerned him most of all was what had happened in the castle of that place. She had written back to them of her success, but the way she had written her report had left him and his fellow “advisors” worried for both her sanity and health. Her return especially brought out their worry as the moment the Commander had demanded to know what she was thinking, she had turned and snapped at him with a fierceness they had never known to come from her before. At first, they attributed it to her being worn out and needing some sleep and they were correct, but as he was walking around the Commander saw her sitting alone while he was trying to ignore a rather nasty headache that was building up in the back of his skull. He stood there for a few moments, watching her as she rubbed her face before he approached. "Herald?"

He watched her lift her gaze to meet his and she looked away. "Hello Commander," She greeted before she leaned forward with one of her elbows being place on her knee and a hand resting on the other. 

"Are you well?" He asked as she sighed. 

"I could answer that one of two ways. I could answer that I'm fine in the physical sense, which I am, but I can also say that after Redcliffe, I'm surprised that I'm still sane." The Commander wondered what she meant. 

"Do you..." he trailed off for a moment, "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"I probably should, but can't bring myself to just yet," Those words told him that she hadn't written down everything she had seen in that "Dark Future" in her report. Those words told him that she had witnessed something that had shaken her to her very core and was now most likely fuel for her already taxing nightmares. Deciding that Changing the subject would be best he asked her about something she hadn't expected him to ask about at all: what her world was like. 

"Well, there's not much I can say for my world. I didn't pay much attention to most of it unless I was out enjoying the sights and sounds of nature in places untouched by humans."

"Then maybe you can tell me about some of those places?"

She looked over at him, only to be met with his earnest expression of his curiosity. "Alright, though I'm not sure why you are so curious," But she began to tell him of the places she had been that would take away anyone's breath upon seeing them. She told him of seeing towering mountains capped by snow that glistened in the sun; she told him of valleys that were blanketed by the many colorful wildflowers that had bloomed; She spoke of the glaciers whose water was so pure and yet so cold that all one needed to do was drink a tiny amount to be refreshed; she told him of walking through forests of where the trees themselves were so tall and so thick, that a rider could pass through a hole in one end and take several minutes to reach the other end; She told him of the great cliffs that overlooked the oceans as the water crashed against the stone flinging foam into the air; She told him of coming to areas where majestic waterfalls would fall in all their glory and would shower her with their water as she stood underneath it, allowing herself to be drenched; She told him of walking through forests where the snow was untouched by any footsteps save her own; She told him of walking through fields upon fields of golden wheat that she would reach out and run her hand through as she walked (which was now something he really, _really_ , wanted to see); she spoke of being in waters that were so blue and clean, that she would swim in them and have the fish join her; She even told him of lakes at the midnight hours and watching as the moon's gentle light reflected off of the untouched surface, before swimming in the crystallin water. 

He hung on her every word, "What was your favorite?" he asked unsure of why he wanted to know all this. Maybe it was the fact that what she was telling him were good things, memories of hers that could help combat the nightmares that haunted her every minute. Either that or could have been something urging him to get her to speak of these memories as it whispered that she would most likely do something that would cause her to forget them.

"My favorite?" She had to think on that one for a while, "That one is hard to answer. I love all those places, but if I had to pick just one I would have to say it would be seeing and experiencing the rush of the waterfalls as I walked up to them and felt the water pouring down as that is the only other time outside of sleeping or bathing where I would let my hair down." And now he could picture her standing under the rush of the water, eyes closed as she was drenched down to the bone, her brownish-blonde hair becoming dark and glistening as the water soaked it. But instead of her armor or everyday clothing, he saw her in a dress. One with long sleeves that reached her wrists but were allowed to flow, while the rest of the dress fit against her body without being too tight until it reached her legs where it too flowed, allowing her to move without restraint. He saw the colors of the dress being shades of light to dark blue that her sapphire (or depending on who was asked they looked more like the substance called lyrium) irises could become depending on how much light reached them. It was a thought he would have to bring up with the Lady Ambassador sometime as he was sure that she would enjoy bringing to life that dress for the Herald. 

After a while, the Commander and the Herald parted ways but still, that image appeared in his mind and as he lay his head down to sleep that night, he dreamt of seeing her in just that way. only she was more enticing as she toyed with a necklace that he saw was made up of rawhide string and the coin he carried in his pocket. Oddly during the dream, part of him expected a demon to make its appearance as he enjoyed some time with the Herald, but when he awoke he felt oddly refreshed. Though he was unwilling to ruin a good dream, He went to see the only person who could most likely figure out why no demon had plagued him that night. 

****

"I've never heard of anyone not being a mage who could influence dream like that," The man that the Commander was speaking to hummed to himself as he thought it over. "It could be that due to the mark's power that it is allowing  her to influence the dreams of those around her while not being aware that she is doing so." Just then, the Herald came walking up and both nodded to her as she greeted them, she made to pass them but the man, an "apostate" mage (as the Commander had informed her) called out to her. "Herald, a moment of your time if you can spare it?" 

"Of course Solas," She did an about face and came walking back over to the now named person, Solas, and stood next to the Commander, who felt his heart pause for a brief moment at having her so close. When Solas brought up what had been discussed with him by the Commander, she looked to the man before turning back to Solas with a soft smile. "I don't need the mark or magic to do that. That's actually a natural ability that runs in my family."

"Really?" Solas was now eager to hear the explanation. 

"I don't know exactly how I do it, no one in my family can explain it, trust me they've tried," She informed them both. "All we know is that many of the women of my family are what we call Empaths," Both looked at her with wonder and she bit her lip, "I'm not exactly sure if I can explain it the way most people do but I'll try my best, so both of you may want to sit down." With that, she began to explain what an Empath was, or well she tried as she wasn't exactly sure how to explain it. "Basically what Empaths do is..." She struggled for the right words, "We can sense the energies that surround a person and we take that energy onto ourselves. We can sense the pain and emotions of others and we will try everything we can in our own power to help that person heal from that pain, be it from their energy, their soul or even physical pain. Sometimes we do it without really meaning too, but being what we are we can't really help it either. In my world Empaths are literal Spirit Healers, we help to heal the soul and energies of a person." As she tried to explain the Commander wondered what that had to do with his dreams until she frowned, "Some of us take that ability even further and can influence the dreams of others, or can sense when something bad is about to happen to someone we care about."

Solas was completely enraptured by this, "So you are one of these Empaths?"

"Yes, being an Empath tends to run in families and is more often than not passed on from mother to daughter. There are some males who are empaths, but it's more common in women as the women of my world are more sensitive to the spirit world. And while being an Empath is great at times, there is a huge downside to it."

"Oh?"

"We often more then not have the issue of not being able to tell our own pain from someone else's pain. Or we tend to absorb so much of that energy that we feel like we are drowning in it," The Herald said looking down at her hands which were shaking a bit. "Its one reason that it's often recommended that we find time to be alone, so we can "ground" ourselves and allow that energy to be released back into nature for nature to cleanse that energy. Hence why I prefer to be left alone at times or, more often than not nowadays, can often be found wandering around at night. Most of the time, I'm out enjoying the night time not because I tend to have nightmares, but because I am allowing nature to take the pain away and ground myself so I can do it again the next night."

The Commander thought hard about that. He soon realized that because of this trait she had, she _knew_ that something was wrong with him, she _knew_ he was in a form of "pain" and was trying to _heal_ him of it without realizing she was and had influenced his dream last night without meaning too. Which surprised him when he asked her the next question, "How can we tell if someone is an Empath?" 

"Oh, that's a bit harder as most people can't. Only other Empaths can tell who is like us as we can sense each other and thus are drawn to each other." 

"How did you find out you are an Empath?"

"My mother and a family friend. I told them one day that I felt the pain of a random stranger strike my shoulder as I passed by him and after they talked with him and they found out what was wrong with him, they sat me down after we got home and told me what I was." Solas was surprised.

"How old were you?"

"Sixteen I think, Most don't find out till much later in their lives."

Silence followed her words. Neither could believe what they had just learned yet the proof was there before them as they thought over how many times they had felt better after having a conversation with her. But that thought struck the Commander the hardest. _How many times had he been on the verge of damn near breaking down and crying, only to speak with her and feel a weight lifted off his shoulders? How many times had he entered deep conversations with her about what seemed to be nothing at all? How often did his normal demeanor of being a "harsh commander" slip away when her concern for him showed itself?_ For him the answer was "too many times to count" and as he thought it over he also came to realize that he had never taken into account how it could be affecting her. Thus, he decided to make a mental note to change that. To find ways to help her find a place or a way to ground herself when it was becoming too much for her to deal with. Eventually, they parted ways and the Commander found himself sitting at his desk and thinking, but one thought came to the forefront and it was his dream of her looking, for all intents and purposes, peaceful as they spent time together. As if her ability had allowed him to fully heal from the torment of his past and that brought a smile to his face. He could believe that she probably was sent to not only be the Herald of Andraste like everyone believed but maybe to also to help him heal from his past. It was certainly something to hope for at least.


	3. Two

_"Mystia!"_ A voice called out the Herald's name as she lay on the cold, hard ground in pain.  _"Mystia, please! Get up!"_ As she slowly came to her senses, the Herald, or rather Mystia, could swear the voice sounded like the Commander. 

"Cullen?" She asked as she opened her eyes only to see a stone ceiling about her with the hole that she had jumped through being covered in snow. Groaning, Mystia slowly sat up and looked around to see that she was completely alone and remembered why she was. The place where she had been or most likely still under, Haven, had come under attack after she had sealed the breach. For a few moments, they had been able to hold their own until a large bat-winged creature, a dragon, had carved a path through the first avalanche she had created; then she had "sacrificed" herself to ensure that everyone could escape to the safety of the mountains beyond Haven before she faced the person, being, whoever the fuck was the original cause of the hell that had thrown southern Thedas into full-blown chaos, and now the slumbering figurative wolf that she was had awoken, and her need to protect those that were innocent in all this was in full-blown swing. Standing with another groan, Mystia stopped long enough to look around again. Her legs were shaking as she forced them to hold her body up, her hands were shaking so bad that she was forced to leave her broken sword and shattered shield behind, while her shoulder, the left side of her back and right thigh were in such pain that with each step she took was pure and unfiltered agony while her lungs screamed with the pain of the freezing air that ripped through them now. She came face to face with some demons but forced them back into the fade with the mark (now known to her as the Anchor) and continued onwards, stopping briefly as she stepped outside of the area she had been in with the former demons. Noting how quickly the temperature plummeted, she decided that her best move would be to continue on and attempt to find the others. As she walked, she noticed that her body was starting to go numb from the cold and knew that if she didn't find them soon, it would be very possible she would die out here in the cold and would likely be food for the wolves that hounded her now with their howls. Several times she stumbled and each time she got up all while repeating to herself that she refused to die so long as that monster, who called himself Corypheus, walked the face of Thedas. Stumbling once more, she felt ready to give up but continued on after standing once more. Eventually, the wolves abandoned her as potential prey as she walked forward into the shelter of some rocks that jutted out of the area and soon she heard a familiar voice calling out as someone spotted her.

"THERE! IT'S HER!" Collapsing to her knees as her legs finally gave out from under her, she barely registered that the voice belonged to the Commander before another person spoke.

"Thank the Maker!" A female voice called out as she barely registered that one as belonging to the woman who had become an unlikely friend to Mystia, Seeker Cassandra Penaghast. As Mysta felt herself about to fall over, she felt strong arms catch her before lifting her up and holding her close to a warm body.

 _"I've got you, Mystia,"_ The Commander whispered as he carried her to wherever the others were.  _"You're safe,"_ He told her as she felt her eyes close as she accepted his words and allowed herself to pass out. She knew he was right, she was safe at least for the moment.

****

A few days would pass by before any move was made by the Inquisition, of course, that move was to a fortress that Solas had informed Mystia of. But even as they walked, Mystia could feel Cullen’s eyes trained on her. It seemed to her that since her return to the Inquisition, he was ready to spring to her side at a moment’s notice, which was understandable seeing as how she had returned to them injured. She had Leliana and Cullen call for the Inquisition to stop for the night about three or four hours before nightfall, to allow the tents to be set up and meals to be cooked up for everyone; but Mystia, herself, did not rest nor did she eat as she was intent on making sure everyone else had the chance to do so first, that and the pain she had felt a few days ago was coming back to haunt her. Now, as she was sitting on some rocks, she sighed as some of the pain she had been ignoring finally came back to bite her in the ass like she had been expecting. “Herald?” Cullen’s voice reached her and Mystia fought back a groan as he came walking up to her. “Are you alright?” He inquired softly as she glanced at him from the corner of her eye. 

“I’m fine,” she lied, but he saw right through it. 

“How is your back?” 

“Commander, when I say I am fine, I mean it. A little bit of pain won’t slow me down,” She informed him as he frowned as he finished his approach and stood next to her. 

Dropping his voice he spoke, “Mystia, you don’t have to lie to me. I can see that you are in a great amount of pain.” 

Mystia sighed in a defeated tone as it became apparent to her that nothing escaped his attention. “I’m in pain, yes, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” She couldn't show weakness, not now, not ever. As she went to stand, a white-hot pain ripped through her thigh and she gasped as her right leg lost all feel and collapsed from under her; thankfully for her, Cullen had sprung up the moment she had gasp and caught her just in time to prevent her from hurting herself further. Allowing herself a moment to recover, she allowed herself to cling to him as he steadied her. 

“Maker’s Breath! Are you alright?!” He asked alarmed as she struggled to contain the look of agony she was sure was upon her face. 

“Give...” Her jaws were clenched as the pain grew in intensity, “Give me a moment,” She told him as she forced herself to stand, then forced herself to take a step forward. But the moment she did, her leg gave out on her again and Cullen clutched her close.

Suddenly, she felt her feet leave the ground and looked at him as he frowned, “You’ve pushed yourself too far today,” he stated. When she went to protest, his golden eyes met her blue ones and she saw the silent plea there. “Let me carry you,” he begged of her as she felt her heart melt at the sight. 

“Fine,” she told him as she relaxed into his arms. Before she knew what was happening she began to doze off, something she was not used to doing in the arms of anyone, let alone a man who was possibly as dangerous as she was. Yet, despite her rearing need to get away from him, Mystia could honestly say that she felt safer around this man than any other. Yes, the first few weeks after they had met, they had clashed over the fact that she had needed training; but after a while, she had come to discover that out of all three of her advisors, he was probably the one who cared the most about her well being, especially after she had snapped at him and had made herself homesick without actually meaning too. After that, he had made it a point to at least attempt to be kinder and gentler to her unless they were training then all bets were off. To her, as she dozed off, Cullen was a good man, even if she secretly knew that he struggled with withdrawals and nightmares of his own. 

Cullen managed a glance down towards Mystia's face and felt his heart turn to mush. Even as she fell asleep he saw her as possibly the most beautiful woman around. Yes, she had little scars on her face from something she wasn't inclined to share with him, she had high cheekbones, and many other facial features that some would consider making her plain. Yet, as he looked her over (noting that she had a new scar on her right cheek), he felt an attraction to her that he had never felt with anyone not even when he had had a teenager's crush on the Hero of Ferelden. He wanted to say it could be just another crush, but this attraction to her felt purer then a crush could be. He thought back to the day he had begun rambling on about everything the Inquisition could do, how he had apologized and how she had only smiled and (now that he thought about it) had flirted with him. He remembered how, after that day, they would flirt back and forth almost shamelessly whenever she was in Haven. Yet as he thought that all over, a dark shadow came flitting across his mind whispering how that all was likely to come to an end soon and how close to being right that shadow would be.


	4. Three

Mystia stood leaning against the wall with a frown. Since their arrival to this fortress, to Skyhold as it was properly named, she had felt an odd easiness overcome her, which had remained with her while she had taken up the mantle of being the Inquisitor, a title she was not looking forward to carrying upon her shoulders at all. Now as she stood watching over the people of the Inquisition she felt the realization hit her hard. These were her people now and they looked to _her_ for guidance, for hope; she wore not only the titles of Inquisitor and Herald, but she also carried their hopes and dreams. Biting her lip she sighed before she realized she was being approached by someone, and turning her head she saw her favorite (and only) Spymaster walking up to her. "Leliana?" She asked as the woman came to a stop next to her. 

"Inquisitor," Leliana greeted her in return as they both looked out over the people. For a few moments, neither spoke as there was no need to as they watched the people hustle and bustle around like busy little bumblebees. "If I may, Inquisitor?"

"Please Leliana, call me Mystia. I have a feeling I'm going to get sick of hearing the title of Inquisitor before too long."

Leliana's eyes flashed with a bit of amusement but complied with Mystia's wish, "As you wish. But if I may? I came to speak with you on a matter that needs to be addressed in the war room."

"Oh?" Mystia wondered what it could be but Leliana only smiled. 

"I have sent two scouts to find and gather the Commander and the Ambassador. Meet with us as soon as you are able," Mystia watched Leliana walk away but wasn't really give the chance to think over what had just transpired before Cullen appeared beside her and spoke, startling her out of her stupor.

"Inquisitor?"

"Jesus Christ!" She yelped as she all but leaped out of her skin earning several apologies from the man, "You know for a man who wears armor along with leather and cloth, you move really quietly." She told him as she calmed down and earned herself an ungodly smirk from him. 

"Shall we head to the war room?" He asked as she sighed.

"Might as well, though some little part of me suspects that I know why Leliana called for this meeting," and the feeling she had would be correct. Leliana had called this meeting for one thing and one thing only: the need for Mystia to pick a specialization. Cullen protested against it as he saw no point in her needing to have a specialization, Josephine (the Ambassador) was on the fence about it as she saw both sides to the argument, and Mystia herself only pinched the bridge of her nose as she was trying very hard to keep her temper in check. As Cullen and Leliana were about to start in on each other again, Mystia spoke up, silencing them both. "I will _meet_ with them, Leliana," She stated as all three of her advisors turned to her, "But it will be only after I have _thoroughly_ thought over which one to take and have spoken to those here who already know what each one is like, that I will take one up. This is not something I will rush headlong into," She then turned and walked out of the war room leaving the advisors to do whatever it was they would, she was informed of where the trainers were and went to speak with each in turn, but only one captured her attention; but she would remain true to her word and spoke to the trainers, then to her companions who knew what it was like to be like the trainers but the deciding factor came from Cullen's second who had crossed paths with her. After that, she had informed her advisors, through writing as she really didn't feel the need to call them to the war room, of the one she would take: she would choose to become a Templar. Now as she planned out a trip that revolved around getting the necessary items for the specialization she chose, she heard someone approaching and turned her head enough to glance at the person. 

"Why?" Cullen questioned as she wondered what he meant.

"Why what?" She questioned in return as he watched her with a pained look. 

"You know what I mean, Inquisitor." He used her title and she stood straight, before turning and looking at him as he continued to demand answers from her.

"What do you want me to say, Commander?" She inquired as he frowned. She knew exactly what he meant and why he had come to find her only to discover her alone in the war room as if she had known what would soon transpire between them. She felt her temper rising, but spoke sternly, "That since I've been here I've never _ONCE_ in my life have had the ability to _CHOOSE_ for _MYSELF_ what I want? Because that's hitting the fucking nail on the damn head. This is possibly the very first and  possibly the very last decision I will ever be able to make for myself now that I am the Inquisitor."

"You don't know what you are getting yourself into-!"

Mystia lost it then, " ** _I_**  do know what I am getting myself into, _Commander_ ," She growled low before turning back to the map to look it over once more before she turned and began heading for the doors, only to stop with her hand on one and now spoke softly to where only he could hear her. "I know more then I let on, Cullen Stanton Rutherford, and it is a burden that I must carry alone and for the rest of my life," with those words she walked out leaving him staring after her in shock.

****

A month would pass before Cullen even thought of going to the Tavern that was opened shortly after Mystia chose the path of the Templar, then again she was rarely if ever seen at the Tavern despite its name, but even as he sat at the bar thinking over what she had told him, Cullen felt hopeless lost. He felt as if his feelings, his warnings, and as if he himself, had just be thrown aside for Mystia's pursuit of becoming what she wanted to be. He wondered why she would just do that to him, but his thoughts were soon interrupted as his second came and sat down beside him."You know she didn't throw you or your warnings aside, Commander." Looking towards the man who seemed to have read his mind, Cullen wondered what he meant.

"What do you mean, Rylen?" 

"The Inquisitor? She didn't throw that all aside. I spoke to her before she made her decision, told her the risks and what it means to be a Templar. We sat down for a good three hours before she chose to take on the mantle of being one of us." Rylen told the man who frowned. 

"It still feels like she did."

"She didn't. She knew the risk going in and she knows that with each day that she takes the lyrium, that she risks one day losing herself to it. But one thing she has not said to anyone else, that she willingly told me, is that she's afraid." That word caught Cullen's attention.

"She's afraid?"

"Yes. She's afraid of losing everything. Losing this war, losing her life to the Anchor, all of it, but most importantly she is afraid of losing you." Cullen frowned as Rylen let that sink in for a moment. "She chose to become a Templar so she can have the ability to take on Corypheus and be able to face him head to head if it ever comes down to it. She chose this path so that one day, all of us can continue living even if it means that she ends up giving everything she is and has to Lyrium addition." Rylen smiled then, "Last I saw of her, she was standing at the doors to the balcony of her room." Leaving those words hanging on the air between them, Rylen stood and left Cullen alone as the man stared down at the wooden bar. For a few moments, Cullen thought about what he had just learned, then, after he emptied the last of his drink and paid for it, he went outside and halfway to his office he cast a glance around and spotted her still standing on her balcony, or rather she was leaning against the door frame that led into her room or out on her balcony depending on where one stood at the moment. Stopping, he looked away for a moment before he decided to go speak with her, and when he arrived at her room and had approached her, he made to speak but she beat him to it. 

"When I was a child, say five or six, I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and my answer was the standard answer for most children around that age. Several years later, when I was a teen, I was asked that same question and I answered differently and was teased relentlessly for it. I'm not a religious person, I didn't believe in the same god they did and thus was told I would never be that and that what I wanted to be could only be passed on from father to son and that I needed to think more realistically," She told him as he stood there listening, "When I was asked that question one more time at the age of eighteen, I turned around and came back with "Does it fucking matter in a world that is so fucking broken that it's literally damn near impossible for anyone to be what they want to be without the money or the means to become that thing?"." Mystia watched as the rain started coming down, rain they had been expecting for a while now that spring was in full swing, "I was told that I was being to spiteful and had to retort that they were the ones who had wanted me to think more "realistically" and well I was being realistic and they didn't like it."

Cullen was silent for a few moments, "What did you want to be?"

"What am I now? My world has or had Templars, but a woman cannot be a Templar that world as its a "men's only" thing that is passed down from father to son. Granted the Templars of my world don't take Lyrium, it doesn't exist there, and they don't watch over mages as magic like what is known here doesn't exist in my world either and if it did, well, it's been lost to time and memory."

"You wanted to be a Templar?"

"Yes, but factoring in the facts that I stated and the facts that I am a woman and that I don't believe that there is just one god but many and that I believe that everyone has the right to choose who they want to believe in and worship, that dream I had was an impossibility for me, until whatever happened to bring me here happened. When I discovered that from talking to the trainer, Cassandra, and Rylen, that women aren't barred from becoming Templars just rarer to see, it felt as if that dream I had held onto for so long had finally presented itself to come true..." Mystia allowed her voice to trail away to attempt to hide how badly it was shaking and Cullen felt something prick at him reminding him that like her, he had dreamt of being a Templar and had held onto that until he finally had become one. "I didn't do this to spite you, Cullen. I did this for not only for myself but for that child I once was whose dream was stepped on because it was an impossibility in one world. I also did it because there is a sentient darkspawn magister running loose who is playing at being a wannabe god." he saw her point on that one. Against a magic-wielding darkspawn, the Templar abilities would probably come in handy. "I know about your withdrawals from Lyrium," that shocked him a little, "and I respect you for making that decision as not everyone, including myself, has the will to do something like that but I just know you'll be better off for it." 

"How can you?"

"I've been around people who have been in withdrawals. I know the signs very well." She replied as he studied her. Cullen frowned for a moment but shook his head and approached her and stopped at her side. "I didn't become this to spite you at all," She told him as her head dropped for her to stare at the ground. "I care too much for you to do something like that," He saw that the fingers of her left hand were now digging into her upper arm as she clenched it. "But even as someone who cares probably more then what is for my own good, there is one thing I am well aware of and that is the fact that I may never be allowed to be truly happy, not with the price I am paying to keep everyone I know and care about safe." Cullen felt his chest constrict. 

Never once in his life had he so badly wanted to take someone in his arms and hold them; never had he wanted so badly to lift Mystia's chin up so he could look into her eyes and it was taking every ounce of his willpower to do so, at least it was until he stepped in front of her, lifted her chin up and met her downcast sapphire colored eyes. "That's not true," He lowered his voice, "You deserve every little moment of happiness you can find," he lifted his free hand, brushed some of her hair, which had escaped its usual confinement, out of her face and they both closed eyes as he lowered his forehead onto hers while he came to terms with the fact that his crush on her wasn't a crush, he was utterly and hopelessly infatuated with her despite the fact that he knew the lyrium would most likely steal her from him one day if the Anchor didn't. As he came to realize what he felt for her, Mystia was losing the battle against how she felt for him. She didn't _want_ _to fall_ in love again. She didn't _want to hope_ for something that could be torn away from her at a moments notice. She had built up the layers of the walls around her heart for a reason, yet here stood the man who seemed to be breaking down each wall as if they were made of nothing but sand. Suddenly she wasn't able to help herself and, freeing her hands from her arms she wrapped them around his neck and he lifted his chin to rest it on her head as his own arms wrapped around her. 


	5. Four (NSFW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the song Mystia is singing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woxOBy-gwDs&t=15s 
> 
> It's sung by the wonderful and amazing woman Sharm, who has many great and wonderful songs. I highly recommend checking out her youtube channel if you haven't already.

Mystia sighed as she entered her tent, they had arrived at one of the Inquisition camps in the Western Approach and after deciding that this would be a good place to stop for the night, she had made sure her companions ate and were relaxing as best they could in a desert filled with unknowable dangers. Mystia frowned as she looked at the letters that she held that were from her advisors, with one being a bit thicker than the others. Identifying the handwriting of each advisor, she noted that it was the one from Cullen that was the thickest of them all, thus she decided that she would save his for last.  Sitting on her cot, she read over the reports from Leliana and Josephine, one spoke of a recent mission that Leliana's scouts had been sent on while the other spoke of the upcoming Masquerade that Mystia was not looking forward to _at all_. Sighing heavily, Mystia set those two aside and finally opened the thicker one from Cullen. As she did she noticed that something fell onto her lap and scooped it up to be greeted by the words  _Read at your leisure_. Frowning she read his report regarding what to do with the now vacant Griffon Wing Keep and read that he was sending his second and several soldiers to fortify it; once she was done with that she turned to the other letter he had sent and opened it to see her name written in his smooth handwriting. She read through the letter and couldn't help the gentle smile that crossed her face as her heart squeezed tightly. "A letter from the Commander?" A voice asked as Mystia looked up to see none other than Cassandra having walked in. 

"Yes," Mystia replied as Cassandra sat down on her cot and looked at her. "He cares so much for my well-being that even as I read this letter, I can hear him scolding me from here about the dragon." 

"You do realize he admires you greatly," Cassandra smiled, "I would go so far as to say that he worships the ground you walk on."

Mystia snorted at that, "I doubt that very much," as she continued reading she came to a part that turned her insides to mush. 

_I miss you._

Three little words that sent her soul soaring as Cassandra smirked. "I think you're in love, Inquisitor."

"Maybe your right," Mystia lay down as she held the letter up to continue reading. "What am I to do..." She wondered as Cassandra looked at her.

"What do you mean?" 

Mystia closed her eyes and told Cassandra about the three others she had loved, but they hadn't loved her in return and Cassandra frowned sadly upon seeing how hopeless Mystia looked. "After those people, I built walls around my heart to stop myself from feeling like this, yet Cullen... It was like they didn't exist to him." Cassandra watched Mystia with a tenderness that had never been known to come from her. 

"When we return to Skyhold, you should talk to him," Mystia could confirm it now, Cassandra had a romantic heart under all that armor. 

"I'm not sure how well that would go over," Mystia sat up and placed an arm on her knee that was lifted up. "I just..." Mystia sighed, "I just don't want to be hurt again." 

"You won't be. Cullen is a good man, and with the way he speaks about you, acts around you, and writes to you," Cassandra pointed to the letter Mystia still held, "I am sure that you will not come to regret this decision." 

"I really hope that you're right Cass," Mystia looked to the letter, "I just won't be able to take my heart being broken again." 

****

Mystia was grumbling to herself about having sand in places it really shouldn't be in as they entered Skyhold's grounds, "I swear if I see any more _sand_ that's not at a beach on a sunny day, I'm going to strangle someone," Mystia muttered as she emptied her boots before putting them back on. She heard two of her other companions (the strange blonde elfy "not elf" Sera and her favorite sass-master mage named Dorian) agree with her only she was sure that one of them muttered something about being surrounded by hot, muscular guys to which she agreed with but the only hot guy she wanted around her was Cullen.  _No bad!_ She scolded herself though the thought of him shirtless and on the beach did appeal to her. Once she was done with her boots, she headed off to her room for a much-needed bath but was soon intercepted by Cullen who came walking up to her. They greeted each other, he filled her in on somethings, but the moment they reached her door he stopped. AS he prepared to walk away she called out to him, "Commander?"

"Yes?" He asked looking back towards her. 

Her heart was pounding, "If you're not busy later, would you... would you mind coming to my quarters?" 

"Of course," he nodded with a smile as she returned it. Once he was gone she entered her room and was swift to take the bath her body was begging for. Once she was thoroughly cleaned, she dressed in her usual outfit that had been dubbed "Night's Watch" by those who had seen her in it around Skyhold. It had somber tones in its colors such as dark blue, shades of brown, a little bit of red, and what could be assumed to be a war horn on her hip. She didn't really understand the reason behind the horn but wore it anyway, even now as she stood at her desk it remained there while she looked over the paperwork that had been piling up while she had been away. The chair for her desk was against the wall between her bed (which was a massive four-poster bed with blood red curtains) and the bathroom door, as she found it rather uncomfortable and preferred to use it to sit on when putting on her boots so she didn't mess up the bed when it was made. As she looked over the paperwork, she didn't realize that she had started singing, even as Cullen came to see her though she did not notice that he had arrived as he had forgone his usual armor, leather, cloth and fur mantle in favor for a more casual appearance. As he stood there he felt mesmerized by her soft voice even though he did not recognize the song she sang so calmly. _"Sea to sea, ashes to ashes, tide to tide. My life for the sea..._  She sang as she walked over to her bookshelves to look for a book,  _"The tides will guide me. Hear the Storm's song and know peace..."_ When she found the book she was looking for, she set it down on her desk before lifting her gaze to meet Cullen's shocked look. "You want to know something?" She questioned as he mentally shook himself before nodding. "I very rarely sing as I hate the sound of my own voice when I do." She told him as she opened the book to a certain page before walking around the desk and leaning against it. While still facing him, "But that's not the reason I asked you to come see me," She looked down towards the ground then. As she told him how she felt she did not see him approaching her until he forced her to look up into his eyes, "But I'm not sure if you feel the same way..." She trailed off as he smiled tenderly. 

"I do," He told her before he kissed her. A part of her knew that this wasn't exactly how it went in the game, but right now she could care less as she returned his kiss. He pulled away to study her face then leaned forward to kiss each of her cheeks and the scars that were there before kissing and nipping his way along her jaw to her throat which aroused her more than it probably should have as the fires of need ignited in her veins. 

"Cullen," She moaned low as he growled as need ignited in his own veins as well. 

"I care so much for you," He began as he continued to kiss and nip at her before he lifted her up to sit her down on her desk while allowing himself room to press up against her while standing between her legs. "When you leave all I can think about is whether or not you're safe, and hoping that you will return," He told her as her hands found his broad shoulders while his own worked at her jacket before she helped him to remove it. She felt him pressed against her as he dropped his voice to a whisper, " _When I first met you, I struggled to tear my gaze away as if I had already known that you would be the one for me."_ She felt the fire burning through her, begging to be made into an inferno, yet she denied it as he continued to nip at her, his hands now running along her side after somehow finding their way under her shirt. 

 _"Cullen...please..."_ She begged him as he nuzzled the area between her neck and shoulder. 

"You have no idea the effect you have on me, Mystia, but if you will allow me, I will do more then show you," He promised her as she struggled to contain herself. He could feel the Lyrium in her veins as it tried to ignite, he knew the feeling all too well as whatever remained in his own veins begged for the same sensation but unlike him, she was still very new to controlling it and was struggling hard to contain it. He knew that Templar abilities wouldn't work the same way on other Templars like it did with mages, no, with other Templars if both used their abilities at the same time, not only would it elevate them to such a high level of ecstasy, it would bind them together for the rest of their lives which is why such things, like what they were doing now, were discouraged among those of the Order. But right then Cullen was prepared to shatter that rule altogether, "Will you let me?" He asked as she looked him in the eyes.

"I'd let you do more to me then just that, but what if?" That question was answered before it could really begin as he vanished to bolt the door shut and returned to her. "That answers that," She said as he stole her lips once more, She wasn't aware of just when exactly they had moved to the bed but soon enough she found herself completely exposed to him as he leaned over her and continued to steal her lips. 

"Are you ready?" he asked softly as his hands trailed down her body before stopping on her inner thigh. When she purred her answer, he growled at her tone. She felt his fingers briefly touch her lower lips and he inhaled deeply. "Maker!" he hissed out as he parted them, "You are absolutely soaking," He moaned as he began to tease her. He kissed her once before moving to lick at her entrance, earning himself a whine from her. She wasn't just soaking, she was already extremely sensitive to each touch and he used that to his advantage. He could tell that she had never truly been brought into ecstasy and now as he licked and fingered her, he could sense that she wanted to cry out his name. “Let yourself go Mystia,” He told her before returning to his ministrations. He heard her pleading with him, and when he suddenly pressed the sensitive spot that would send her spiraling over, she cried out his name while he lapped at her. When he was done with that he pulled away and yanked off his shirt, revealing the toned body that she had always envisioned him having and the sight aroused her again but not as much as the fact that he was soon above her and pinning her to the massive body did. Leaning down he claimed her lips before nipping along her jaw line. He moved her hands to above her head, where he held them in one of his hands as he undid his pants, or well tried to until he was forced to release her to remove them and was soon bared to her sight completely. 

She wasn’t give enough time to react to the sight before her, before his lips where upon hers once more. She moaned as his fingers found her entrance again and began to toy with her once more. “Cullen...” She whined as he smirked his usual knowing and ungodly smirk. 

Leaning forward he whispered his next words into her ear, “I am going to fuck you so hard that you won’t be able to walk tomorrow,” he told her as she whined again, “I am going to fill you full with my seed,” he continued to tell her as she started squirming under his touches, “I will make you scream my name so loud that all of Skyhold knows who you belong to.” He promised as she writhed under him. 

“Cullen I...” she could barely form the words she wanted to say as he continued to taunt her. “Please...” 

“Please what?” He inquired as she began losing all sentient thought. 

“Fuck me!” She cried out as his fingers drove into her. 

“Not yet,” He continued to smirk as she continued to squirm while being unable to make any noise that wasn’t a moan, whine or gasp. “I plan on taking my time with you tonight. I will make this night so torturous for you that you come to know how I felt all those nights ago.” And he did. Anytime she begged or tried to plead with him he would stop and earned a whimper from her. Only to then turn around and drive home his point as he would slam his fingers into her and make her gasp for air. It was only when he finally deemed her to the point of truly needing him, that he gave her what she most wanted. He felt her claw into his shoulders as he rubbed his cock against her entrance to wetten it, and slowly entered her after aligning himself with her. Her grip was almost unbearable but she was also still trying to hold back on letting the abilites she had free. She moaned as he sheathed himself into her, but he watched her carefully for any signs of discomfort while he forced himself to remain still, to allow her body to adjust to being united with his. When he felt her clench around him he couldn’t help the growl that escaped him as he soon began to move. It was slowly at first but she was already so over-sensitized that it wasn’t long before he was ramming into the her to cause her to scream out his name as her walls tightened around his cock. He could really feel that she was losing the fight against the inferno within her veins and told her to just let it go. The moment she howled his name he felt her unleash her Templar ability and used what little bit of Lyrium remained within his own veins to do the same. As the two energies clashed, they were throw so far into ecstasy that his ending came as she howled his name once more. He soon found himself pinned under her as she rolled her hips against him while he thrust up into her which, in turn, ended with them crying out the other’s name as everything for them rose to bliss as it would three or four more times that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...I just blew things out of the water. (I still think I suck at these kinds of scenes though but at least I'm trying)


End file.
